Comments on: Does anyone know the proper etiquette for baby shower gifts if the child dies?

By: B T

B T — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 02:51:31 +0000

I really think the ettiquette should come from the people who gave the gifts. Most people would not think twice about whether a gift should be returned.
Your brother and his finance have just had one of the biggest losses imaginable. Leave it up to them, i dont think people would be offended if they werent returned, i know if i were in the same situation, i would rather know that people knew my baby existed, as she did indeed. They may take comfort in the items, as they may feel closer to their baby with the items around.
They will find what is right for themselves.
Sorry for your loss.

By: 32toes

32toes — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 02:18:19 +0000

As a mother who has lost a newbornmyself, do not ask for the gifts back. Last thing the grieving parents need is to hear”, btw, can I get those revieving blankets back since your baby died”? That would be horrible. There may things they want to hold onto for memories and they may try for another child. If they dont wannt the gifts, the right thing to do would be to return to gifter, not trash them. Maybe ifthey want to give the gift back, take it back and get them a gift inmemoriy of their child or encourage them to do so.

By: Eliz.LP

Eliz.LP — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 02:06:35 +0000

Wow, this is so sad. I think that the OP means that the couple has already received the gifts, and if they should return them to the people who got them. I’d say whatever they feel comfortable with. I doubt they have the time and energy to deal with returning gifts right now. If they do plan on trying again, I’d say put the gifts out of sight or even store them at someone else’s house and keep them for the next baby. The most important thing right now is dealing with the grief. I think that if I got someone a shower gift and heaven forbid the baby died, I’m not going to be expecting my gift back. That’s tacky and heartless.
I’m so so so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to your brother and his fiancee.

By: Jamie s

Jamie s — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 01:46:43 +0000

Common sense says the gift givers should be more concerned for the bereaved parents in their time of grief, and not at all concerned with what becomes of the gifts.
I don’t think anything the unfortunate parents could do with the gifts would be considered wrong.

By: Kayla

Kayla — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 01:09:19 +0000

That’s hard to deal with. I would see how they deal with it. If they wait awhile because they don’t want to experience this situations again then I would return. But if they try after this then they should keep them. I don’t think there is a proper etiquette in that situation. Sorry for you lost.

By: Alyssa's Mommy

Alyssa's Mommy — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 00:50:21 +0000

Don’t give the gifts to them, that would make it even harder for them to cope. Let everybody do whatever they want with their gifts. Keep it, return it, or give it to another expecting mother – as long as the parents weren’t expecting to still get them.